bright sliver moon overhang muted creamsicle orange serengeti sky, punctuated with spires of ohia. albizia, massive hollow trees, forming umbrellas dotting horizon amid masses of native hard woods.
how does one feel, forsaking to abandon own family, betraying loved ones with stranger whom one embraces and calls girlfriend, devil in disguise? i do not know. i cannot begin to know but such is heywood. distant, furtive, non communicative, but remembers and texted on jessi’s birthday. i suppose there is memory still in dark recesses, albeit living life of merciless treachery, faithless, duplicitous, perfidious. breaking trust, ruthless, inhuman, impenitent, unashamed but guilty, caught. undergoing trial, investigation for criminal conduct, still unabashed, unapologetic, brazen, insolent, defensive, deceitful, evasive.
september 11 hearing in hilo with csea was defiance of court orders to support family per legal agreement, denying legitimate lawful obligation to us. subversive, culpable, delinquent, offensive to hearing, disgusting, outrageous, contemptuous in remarks turning stomach with persistent dissimulation, perjury, masquerade. hope believes in faith of Good, but vacuous in this situation. we pray for AB’s Will for him, girlfriend, and their families. hope continues to believe in Good Of AB despite disappointments, discouragement, denial, rejection, failures, let downs, opposition, open resistance, complete disregard.
hope is stronger still, not in mankind, but in AB SMYM. like the sky, glowing bright orange across horizon. AB’s Unrestrained LOVE Embraces all. despite unrelenting, oppressive, stifling drought, trust in AB’s Provisions increase! without such hardships, privation, suffering, such confidence in AB cannot mature. it is only under trial, pressing, travailing struggle, ordeal, trouble that such trust can develop. like trees, deepening roots in search of Water, AB’s Planting Is Sure, Certain, Sustaining, Unfailing, To Keep Alive In Full Flame unharmed, Safe, Sound, Secure, Attentive.
this i have no doubt because AB’s Provisions Are Constant, Preparation Dependable, Contingency Sound. i have no reservation nor fear in AB’s Determination, Will, Cherishing Faithfulness, Devotion. last few years of divorce revealed extreme capacity for deviation, faithlessness unfathomable, yet also potential for hope in AB’s Cultivation, Comfort amid crushing disillusionment, Sustenance Uplifting despondent heartbreak. AB Is Always Near to those who sorrow and hurt, suffering pain inconsolable, anguish unmentionable, comfortless grief. this past year has been compounding of distress, i feel no damage, but Revival, Burnished Shining, Radiant In AB’s Brightness, Rejoicing In AB’s Lambency, Licking all my wounds. Covered In AB’s Feathers, Kept Safe, Surrounded In Unrestrained LOVE, Abiding Companionship, Availing Presence, Assurance, Cherishing Assurance.
i have no other trust because there is none to be found. all have failed, family, conditions, usual sustenance. what is Provided cannot be measured, only known because AB Meets our need in private. we get to share in AB’s Provisions, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. i enjoy sharing all that AB Gives because it increases, enlarges, expands to magnify, uplift spirit within. AB’s Growth Augments, Building UP to Broaden, Tumefy to Accommodate Maturation Of Fruitful Harvest soon to be Gathered. Travail bringing forth Deliverance, AB’s Appearing, Blessing Of Peace Eternal. i will see AB’s Face very soon, emerging from accouchement, Received By AB’s Joyful Face, Embraced as babe in Unrestrained LOVE, Snuggled In AB’s Restful Sheltered Welcome. pressings and afflictions will be no more, unremembered in Joy Of Dawn, Arisen In Fulfillment Of Undertaking Saving humanity from inevitable self-destruction. Ending conflict of ages, Settlement In Peace, Bonded, Sealed In AB’s Satisfaction Secure.
intense scorching heat blanket, blinding haze entomb our forest, cicadas out in droves singing, drought ensues but i feel at peace, restful, content in AB’s Preservation. Planted In Spring Of LIFE, Faithful, Constant, Certain Of Salvation despite our circumstances. jobless, without income months on end, living down to the marrow, bare boned, vibrant, alive, in Good Stead Encompassed By AB, Surrounded In Ceaseless Devotion. such Peace is not to be found except in AB SMYM inasmuch as it is beyond comprehension. amid pounding Equanimity, Understanding, Order that can only come from AB Most High. at ease amongst chaos, confusion, turmoil, disruption, entropic deterioration, collapse. it is time. our end is near, of world in sin. watching it crumbling, drawing to a close, concluding. i feel grateful the more desperate, the nearer Fulfillment of HOPE, Completion, Deliverance.
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